Warning: this is going to gross you out so if you’re eating, thumbtack this for later 😂. I’m literally still traumatized.
The other night, I was thinking about cooking dinner for Andrew. Andrew was THINKING about cooking dinner for me. And we both decided—NAW. Let’s order takeout. Ordering takeout is a very special occasion treat for us. If we don’t feel like cooking, we at least get dressed and walk down the street to a restaurant. But staying in pajamas and ordering in? What a LUXURY!
I usually doom scroll on Door Dash because I’m overwhelmed with options but this time, I made an executive decision at record speed. I saw a picture of something that looked incredible. Wasted no time even asking what Andrew wanted. I know him well enough by now. I got a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and BAM! It was on its way. I was excited for this! I even got priority delivery! Whaaaattt—like who am I?!
It was a perfect night. Took a hot shower. Made love. Doorbell rang and hot food had arrived. Perfect timing. I got the plates out. It smelled so deLICIOUS.
We both help ourselves and dive in. We ate like we had never seen food before. The words literally came out of my mouth: it’s like I can’t eat it fast enough!!
There was something questionable in my rice. It looked weird. I ate around it. I’ve always done that since I was a kid. But eventually, I was tired of eating around it and just gobbled it up.
Went back for seconds. I put more meat on my plate. And when I did……
There hiding underneath the pork I had just removed and very comfortably sitting on top of the meat underneath….
Was a roach.
Like a multiple legs, hard shell on the outside New York City ROACH.
Everything came to a hault.
I said: ANDREW. Is that a……..
And like a guy who’s never been afraid of dirt in his life, he picks it up, inspects it and says calmly:
YUP.
I didn’t scream. I didn’t cry. I actually am not sure I’d ever experienced this aspect of fight or flight. Like I literally couldn’t MOVE.
I thought about that mystery thing on my plate that I kept eating around— until I didn’t. I thought about how I was still hungry but couldn’t TOUCH any more of this. I thought about how I broke my own rule of ordering from some RANDOM place that I haven’t personally walked by on the street to inspect first.
We called the restaurant. They tried to offer us $5 off our next order. I offered to burn their building down. We got a full refund.
(Lol actually Andrew handled the whole thing as I was still paralyzed. 😅)
MAYBE it’s my sign to start cooking more. Because between rats falling from ceilings and roaches in the food, I just need something predictable. 😂😂
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